Remember the golden years of Tim Tam Slams? Where you’d bite the edges of and then suck up hot chocolate through the biscuit like a straw? Yeah, so, this is unfortunately not like that at all. Nevertheless, Mallowpuffs are simply too thick. Sure, the marshmallow layer is tempting for absorbency points, as well the curved design of the biscuit is sure to expel a few stray-shooters. And plus, you might, forever, ruin the taste of a most beloved biscuit.Ī soggy biscuit, these are not! Think about it, mallowpuffs take at LEAST three decent bites to get down. Perhaps it’s just too sweet for this Big Mac sauce. However, with heavy flavour comes heavy responsibility. For me, there’s so much happening, what with the creamy hokey-pokey layer and the chocolate, that it’s the perfect chaser for some spoonfuls of cum. In my opinion, Squiggles are a serious contender, but almost everyone I talked to disagreed. It gets a bonus point for the fact that you can make a “nut” joke. Just something to think about.ĭon’t even think about it! This hard son of a bitch will have your jaw chomping and sore before you can even say “that’s a lot of semen”. You could say that about the entirety of this list, but the undeniable fact remains that this specific biscuit resembles fingers. There’s also something weird/kinky about the idea of chocolate fingers and semen. However, that being said, the chocolate layer on this biscuit is appallingly thin, so there’s not much to mask the taste. Practically, there’s no way everyone would be able to aim their semen at this small, cylindrical force of nature, so there’s less semen to cling to the chocolate. If you’re into game theory, then this might be the biscuit for you. Maybe if you wait a few hours, these would stiffen back up again, like socks, right? What was once crunchy becomes an appalling mess. The flavour of ‘pink’ does nothing to mask that. They’re too willing to soak up moisture, to become one with the semen. They’re practically designed for a milky substance, commonly thought of as the ideal biscuit for an ice-cream sandwich. It’ll do in a pinch, but not one for the hardened player. You want to get the biscuit down in a quick gulp, but the hard, persevering nature of the hundreds and thousands lingers, stuck in the edges of your mouth. It’s a game of shame, of guilty pleasure beyond belief. It’s fun and festive, sure, but a game of soggy biscuit is not a party. The childhood nostalgia factor of these biscuits is hard to overlook, and hence, they’re not an ideal biscuit for such a sexual act. But still, remember Soggy Biscuit isn’t your average blowjob swallow - no, it’s the collective semen of many. This assumes two things: you want as little semen as possible, and you want that taste to be disguised as much as possible. But looking at factors such as flavour, texture, and size, a biscuit champion was discovered. Hypothetical of course there’s many things I’m willing to do in the name of journalism, but this is just not one of those things. So, being an avid biscuit lover myself, I decided to power-rank the best biscuits to use in a game of Soggy Biscuit. But, well, isn’t that exactly what you would say if you had participated? Despite lack of acknowledgements, these rumours lingered. You can see why I was simultaneously appalled and fascinated.Įveryone I’ve spoken to whose ever went to these schools has feverishly denied that they’d ever taken part in such a game. They would all collectively cum onto the biscuit, and the slowest to do so would have to eat said biscuit at the end. I went to a single-sex school, and the rumours I heard wafting off the all-boys boarding houses were, well, were hard to ignore.įor those who don’t know, Soggy Biscuit is a game where a group sits in a circle, masturbating around a biscuit. Growing up, I was always intrigued by the concept of Soggy Biscuit.
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